Still devastated. Still depressed (In a sense of that I suddenly realize the world I’ve been living is so unbecoming, so depressing, that every sensible person should feel depressed).
Having prepared for a loss, but I haven’t prepared myself enough for such a landslide, a whitewash, an Attack-of-Isengard-style destruction. It triggers the reminiscence of my time when I was just a new guy in Twitter. When I was just a new guy in the radical left idea. A time when I started picking up Daz Kapital by Karl Marx, Antonnio Gramsci, Eric Hobsbawmn. A time when I was naive enough to think, having regard to the deteriorating social unrest and inequality, the social ills because of absolute impoverishment, there might be a slight chance of resurrection of left radicalism. A time when I was impugned face-up face-off, by some twitter mates that “Man, there is always an adage that ‘a left-leaning radicalism in your twenties is romanticism, while the same flame has not been nipped off after thirties is stupidity’." A time when I hadn’t yet known there is a guy in Labour Party called Jeremy Corbyn.
A time when I learned to be a so-called Anglophile. A time when I wanted to understand everything about that United Kingdom. A time when I read Andy Beckett’s Promised You a Miracle. It is a book freezing readers at a time in 1980-1985, when Margaret Thatcher was at her prime in the global political stage. A time when I was introduced by the book a Labour leader called Michael Foot. He, like his protege Jeremy 2 decades later, thought of radical socialism an answer to the decade of economic hardship and pain felt by most the the British at that moment. He was so confident of his answer being the correct answer that he even wrote down in his Election Manifesto against Margaret Thatcher’s Conservative Party, a party grilled a waves and waves of protests against her high-hand crushing of the public sector.
History is like a piece of glass that reflects exactly what happened then to now. From start to finish. The strongest majority enjoyed by the Conservative Party since the 2nd World war, completed and complimented with the complete wipe-out of the Labour Party to utmost oblivion. A big tree uprooted that no one can even see where the stump once was. And, in the middle, a formal/informal split within the liberal and radical stream because the left is always fancying more to fight their allies than their enemy. Everything is in parallel. Everything is symmetry. Everything is so discordant, so chaotic that the pattern so formed seems like harmony. A harmony of blasts.
And now. I sometimes fancy asking the same twitter mate who then snubbed and ridiculed me, “Hey. Now I’m forty. What then would you say if I am still left leaning?" Anyway, who cares? That night, I told myself, “to a person with no future like me, I think I can only have this moment to enjoy, or suffer." No time to spare asking somebody who don’t really care what I think, and likewise whom I don’t really care what he thinks about what I think. But Corbynism is nailed. Definitely gone. Same as Footism 2 decades ago after the landslide defeat. A defeat so embarassing that even Labour members now don’t feel brave enough to talk about. Although it definitely is a time to look back.
Call me stupid. But I still think it’s not about left or right. It’s about right or wrong. Letting people sleeping rough while keep failing to build more affordable houses is wrong. Not right. Having occupied the 6th strongest economy in the globe while not feeling a bit of embarrassment or shame having one of the highest no. of food banks in OECD countries is definitely wrong. Not right. Fanning the so-called nationalism anger against a strawman called Belgium. Keeping speaking the evil of trading with the strongest economic allies, while still failing to offer a concrete work plan of why, what, and how, to those who have been deluded by you again and again. It is definitely not right. It’s wrong. Embarrassingly wrong. But like my wife said, “they understand full well what they want. Why do you feel depressed? As a foreigner who should not bother?"
All that remains is my slight hope that, after 2 decades, someone in the journalism also wrote a book about that rave of Corbynism, its tide and ebb, just like Andy Beckett did. That book may meet another twenty something stupid, triggering him/her to think of what’s more important that win and lose, left and right, to truly embrace the idea of humanism and basic virtue of people looking out for each other. That basic decency. That everyone has right of keeping naivety of belief. That a government should be trusted to treat everyone with decency and dignity. Impartiality and competence. And should be held accountable if that government fails again and again to do so. My withering hope, that hasn’t been completely nibbled that. Someone afterwards can find this arrow, and follow it, and wait, till there is hope, once again.