Archive | 三月 2017

故事-重建CHAPTER FOUR

「離開、去一個新的屋邨住、唔再讀書、出來搵野做、結婚、生仔。你曾經日日都見,日日都慣見,日日都好想見的人,慢慢你唔會再見,亦唔想再見,甚至乎,你諗起就厭惡。」陳生繼續漫無目的地講自己。應該是在講三興村清拆後的歷程。

「但你有冇再搵他們呢?」我問。陳生又托著頭眼反白的望著天花板。

「好似,阿文是返過來找我們的。」他突然瞪大雙眼看著我說出他的記憶,然後又回到原來失焦的那種神態。「但,好冇癮的。我記得他都是講,『喂,記唔記得我話過要買回整條三興村呀?』我呀、季友呀、阿成呀、阿馨都喺度嗰次。個個都唔係好想理他。問他加拿大嗰邊點呢?就支唔爾對咁。季友個人就最愁。玩件樂器都愁過人的。他話唔知邊個教他蘇格蘭風笛喎。有一晚出來飲野。他真是夜媽媽喺個公眾碼頭度吹。又似D打,又嘈。我喺他側邊望著他吹,真是好落莫。好似想召返啲咩回來咁。」

我見陳生的情況,唔認為繼續坐在這翳熱的房裡會再問到些什麼眉目出來,說我有點事,再約會來訪問。同時我說我放一本筆記簿在他身旁。若果關於這事的,都可以寫低。就走了。

*********************************************

多謝那位記者送的那本黃皮無線筆記簿給我,讓我記低我想記低的。

我是陳浩。我是甚麼人已不再重要。重要的是,我看見懷念。Nostalgia。當懷念去到一個極端,再沒有現實局限時,可以如地獄一般。而我,我是地獄裡走出來的那個人。

阿文。無論期後見多少次,還是問同一個問題:記不記得,他要帶我們回去那條村。我不厭其煩的重覆-返唔到去的。他說:「發個夢都唔得?可唔可以同他發一個夢?」我帶點憤怒的回他:「這裡最不需要的就是夢。」但到下一次,他仍是同一個問題。

直到有一次,我跌進這個夢裡面。身體、思想、狀態、情懷,都好像原全回到那個時光一樣。就好像,一切一切,都得到重建一樣。

故事-重建CHAPTER THREE

「咁不如講多少少其他人之後發生的事好嗎?」我嘗試一下加快找到真相的速度。不過我又想,我其實想得到一個怎樣的答案呢?

陳生還是手爪著那幅他跟阿文、季友和萬成的童年合照。他眼神以至面部的所有肌肉不斷在凝視照片與出竅於天花板外的空間之間交替。

「我們幾個都喜歡踢波的。」陳生終於開口。「嗰陣條村唔知點解咁好死起左個球場。我們放學就開始踢吓波。但係呢,放學嗰段就實冇得踢的。大富牛同他啲人呢一定霸晒個場嚟踢的。咁冇計的。佢地又勁啲呢。咁我地幾個就唯有星期六或者日朝早天矇光嚟踢。因為嗰啲時候冇人嘛。大富牛嗰啲有錢仔,星期六日就一定出左去屯門呀。九龍呀,咁的。咁好吖。人是唔夠架。個場咁大得幾丁友。好彩我又有個細佬的。佢又有啲同學。加加埋埋都有九個十個,咪踢半場咯。勝在唔洗同人爭嘛。季友佢最鍾意講架喇。」陳生突然放高及沙啞自己的聲去扮季友,一面扮還一面笑,「踢波。最緊要是咩呀?是有得繼續踢嘛。你想踢幾耐就幾耐。停吓飲啖水又唔會怕個場無端端冇左。幾好呀。」講得興起他又突然變回深沉。

「但有啲野,係無剌喇就冇左架啦。個球場係咁。條村是咁。啲人是咁。你自己都係咁。無端端你就唔想再去。無端端阿文有一個星期六,定星期日,就無再來球場。冇人知佢喺邊。冇人問佢喺邊。哈。個幾月後先知原來已經喺加拿大。讀書喎。」

中午時分,更顯得房間的局促,才發現已入清明的翳悶,陳生仍然是一件厚厚橙色的大絨褸,房間亦沒有設冷氣,房門重得隔絶一切空氣交換的可能。我一路聽一路問一路抄筆記,不知不覺額頭至眉底冒起露珠大的汗來,有一些大滴的露已扺不住地心力沿耳前的面頰滑坡下來。可能陳生都發現,他問:「你要水嗎﹖」然後轉身打開那道房門,探頭叫﹕「姨。」不用感嘆號,那種聲量只能用句號,儘管已是我來那麼久陳生最高的聲量。而這聲量在這屋亦已足夠令那位阿姨來房前。這大廈好像全隔音似的,隔離屋,以至屋外,都好像一粒聲都沒有。那位阿姨把耳湊到陳生嘴前,又離開了,不久又打開了房門拿水給我。

「你唔焗嗎﹖」我問,一邊喝著水。

「我唔知幾耐開始冇再出過汗了。無論有多熱」就是他的回答。他的眼神又回到那幅他跟阿文、季友和萬成的童年合照, 「個球場無幾耐變左地盤了,人好怪的。香港人尤其是。少個冇人搭的天星小輪碼頭又上街爭取。少個已經冇乜人住的暫借村又上街。拆個冇人聽過的乜乜里又上街。喺個已經臭到大家都冇晒感覺的堆田區外加多一忽仔就堆田區又上街。集體回憶、環保生態、社會正義。偏偏最多人用最多細佬玩聚腳的地方,最多回憶﹐球場﹐學校,拆下一個,換下一個,殺下一個,又冇乜話上街喎。冇架啦,拆架啦,就得架啦。慢慢你會好適應條村少下一個少下一個的黃昏。邊個走左,邊戶走左,唔洗再見的,冇再見的。走就走的。留喺度的人亦好像那個曾經存在過的人未曾出現過一樣,條村本就是咁少人。呢…有一日,好耐啦,去搭巴士﹐上到巴士,喺窗口見到有個人跑過來搭另一架巴士,個頭白晒的,熟口熟面,才醒起以前他住我對面的,成日比人蝦的。名都唔記得啦。個腦喺之前根本就未曾有過呢個人。莫講話佢走左唔知,佢幾時我見過佢我都印象。」

我嘗試一下加快找到真相的速度。但結果可能是要走更多的彎。

Work and video games

The Story's Story

I was reading “Escape to Another World” (highly recommended) and this part made me realize something:

How could society ever value time spent at games as it does time spent on “real” pursuits, on holidays with families or working in the back garden, to say nothing of time on the job? Yet it is possible that just as past generations did not simply normalise the ideal of time off but imbued it with virtue – barbecuing in the garden on weekends or piling the family into the car for a holiday – future generations might make hours spent each day on games something of an institution.

I think part of the challenge is that, historically, many of us pursue hobbies and other activities that are also related to craftsmanship. The world of full of people who, in their spare time, rebuild bikes or cars, or sew quilts, or…

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Ruby Sparks – A fairy tale for….

whoever is interested in the movie.

whoever aspires to be a writer.

Ruby Sparks was a movie premiered by Fox Searchlight. Like other movies which were premiered by the company, it was one of the kind I term “pseudo-cult". A big studio like Fox wanted to branch out its products to pitch young theatregoers, or hoary (new word I just learned) “itune tuners" like me, who want something less mainstream while shy of the fringe. In short, Ruby Sparks intended to give an impression of cultness but turned out fitting just a centimetre out of Bull Eye.

The protagonist, Calvin, was just a fairy tale fiction writer many aspiring fiction writers can but dream of right now. Genius. Dropped out college. Reached the zenith of Best Seller at 19 with a debut novel. Earned enough with copyright and royalty to have a big house (incandescent white inside out and outside in, two floors, big kitchen, a pool, every appliance modern and new, two cars with one of them being BMW hoodless) and do nothing except big interviews and gym with brother for 4 years.

Yeah…….I want to be that guy. I can die for being one.

Recently, I read an article commenting about a tweet from Outlander Author Diana Gabaldon to her fan who also aspired to be a writer. She told her coldly but courteously, this:

Stop dreaming. You’ll starve to die just writing. Go get a fucking job at wherever, whatever. Even a Janitor is better than a full-time writer.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/outlander-author-diana-gabaldon-says-english-majors-will-serve-fast-food_us_58c2ba05e4b054a0ea6a1de4?v0pqsmb2sj4js2lnmi&section=us_arts

Recently, I chatted with a mommy who read Harry Potter to her daughter age of 7, turning out making herself and her daughter big fan of Harry Potter, and as expected, JK Rowling (she read even the 8th instalment  which was literally not JK Rowling’s). Nice work mommy. I read Lucky Star by Mic Mopurgo to my son at the same age, and was told by my son to drop the whole reading project at just Chapter 7………fuck that. Anyway. Out of topic.

That mommy told me she was so inspired by Ms. R’s story of writing a great series at the midst of her peril of being a poor o single-mommy at unemployment benefit (now totally cut by Tories, nice work Chap). It was also a fairy tale. And I broke the spell in the chat right away, telling her how rich she actually was, her prestigious family background, education all the way to her prestigious media guru ex-husband, being dumped on alimony and sister’s benefit. Fact check by my suspicious wife told me I was exactly right except she didn’t study in Oxbridge (oh… She got rejected by Oxbridge, TG).

So, another fact check for aspiring writers inspired by fairy tale. To write a book. Either you have been very rich, or get a fucking job to earn a body and a stable mind (with unsettling mental) to write a great story.

Back to Ruby Sparks. A 低B fairy tale in props, in characters other than the two protagonists, in cinematography, in props, in lighting, from start to end. But it doesn’t mean I don’t like the movie. It’s OK. It’s fascinating that Zoe Kazan, or Ruby, did succeed in present good o’ axiom of love relationship from the perspective of female.

男人都是仆街人渣kickstarter.

Even deep inside a man’s sub-conscience comes nothing but devilish against the one he loves, or used to love.

Great. A horror in a fairy tale. You did it so well Zoe! At least better than readaptation of Beauty and the Beast, which turned out not so beastly, not so horror, and not so beauty after all.

But at last Zoe let the protagonist kick start the relationship with her once again, in spite of all the horror before, helped stamp a 低B fairy tale chop on the movie.  Or…

Or…

She deliberately plotted so, to tell us, love relationship is sweet even though it always ends with horror ever after, to make the cultest point of the whole production.

I don’t know.

Rating: 69 out of 100. Could be 60 if the two protagonists were not that lovely.

翦影裡的思緒~yingju-Lu

~牧羊女的風鈴詩坊~

~翦影裡的思緒~

停在窗框上的鳥

紗窗門外驚見撲翅展翼的雜音,打破我所屬的寂靜空間,意外增添些許波瀾,我抬頭一望,瞬間鳥的身形一下子完整浮現在我眼前,猜想著牠為何徘徊在此?

數秒後,鳥停留在窗框上,發出低沉的啼咕聲,還有些稚嫩之氣,就像孩童般的音質,裏頭還有些落寞和孤單。

從走道望去,只能瞧見鳥灰色的翦影,也不知道是什麼鳥及牠的長相,但依稀能猜出是小斑鳩,因斑鳩也是我們這裡的常客。而此刻,我知道牠也只能以背望著我的姿態看向前方。

在這處百公分不到的窗框架上能活動的範圍有限,來回踱步了幾次後,似乎想找個安適的角落,歇著,…果真過沒多久,牠靜了下來,一動也不動,可能真的在打盹,進入夢鄉去了!

時間在高高的窗框上凝止,反而我的存在顯得好些怪異。

也不知為何,落單的一隻?也好,剛好陪伴獨在的我。

好幾個小時不知不覺中過去,我閱讀、創作,休息時喝了杯咖啡,似乎已做了許多許多事,也不時關心著窗框上的翦影…。

待鳥兒終於又有了動靜,醒來後的牠似乎仍在那裏放空。

飛離前,鳥的留影

午後了,已近45點,很好奇鳥守著那做什麼?窗外不是藍天嗎?一整日麻雀吱吱喳喳地,還到牠附近嬉鬧過呢!不是風光正明媚嗎?怎無精打采地躲在這,幽僻的角落了?牠有滿腹的心事嗎?實在頗令人費解!

偷偷、靜悄地,我試著打開紗窗門,透過小小的縫隙,空中已然飄來一股野味,像好久沒洗澡的鳥的味道。我看牠毫無反應,又勉強把門往前推了些,一下子,鳥警覺到了,驚慌地啪啪翅膀展翼疾馳而去。而隨著牠的飛逝,空中落下如混著細砂般灰塵的顆粒…。

~翦影裡的思緒~

~yingju-Lu~

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分手/離婚, 最緊要賤格. 亦只可以賤格

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/mar/13/brexit-vote-article-50-eu-citizens-rights-lords-mps

我真心好多謝一個朋友真是記得我在blog寫過的東西. 當然我的那位朋友記憶力超強, 很多人很多年前講過寫過的東西他都記得, 亦每隔一排就來掘墳, 殺過大家走避不及.

我應允我會寫我對現時Brexit的看法, 我寫. 但新工作令我時間不夠. 而現在看的新聞, 書籍, 都皆因顧及自己身心健康而不太涉及重要政事. 真是睇吓邊度有人放狗咬人俾人拉呀, 邊度火車罷工邊個屌人老母呀, 咁啫. 希望變成O豬的我的淺見, 朋友不要太介懷. 若唔啱聽. Scrap it, shred it, and forget it. Or just boom me comments / boxx / drolls / drills / trolls / missiles. I can stand it.

件事可以做個咁的比喻: 兩公婆, 各自都有D仔女. 本身都只因一時之快 (快乜真是唔知) 而上床, 閃婚, 結婚相 (仲要是走到北海道拍). 大禮又唔洗過. 大家各自都有背景過去, 亦不方便大排延席, 婚後亦從無一起住, 各自在各自的地方搵食. 但係D仔女呢, 得閒就去吓老豆度住幾個月, 得閒就去吓老母度放兩個月暑假. That’s it. 仲要關係一向都是鬧交冷戰多過攬頭攬髻, 結婚第二年就話想離婚.

就是咁, 婚姻以亮結燈的狀態一直維持. 經濟唔錯時還勉為其難一齊. 而家經濟有點困難. 唔忍了. 要爆了. 單方面決定分居, 兩年後離婚. 拖拖拉拉互相折磨的 onss (One Night Stand Syndrome) 由渣男/女主動劃上句號.

我冇打算離婚. 但亦同人分過手. 會記憶一些很老土的廣告, 或對白, 如:再見亦是朋友. 又如: 愛難留情仍繫, 請準時交膳養費/扔煲費. 老土到呢….分過手, 離過婚, 偷過食的, 都會知, 以上的廣告, 或對白, 講的啫….你對上一次找你ex是幾時? (除執劑出火除外)

Brexit正正就是咁….呢….之前嗰D你應該仲欠我50億呀…..我每年比你350億呀…..屌你同第二個上床開左我支smirnoff呀…..還錢呀….咪就係嗰D囉…..情一斷, 就是咁挖爛面, 就是咁不顧舊情, 就是咁賤格的.

House of Lords 其中一個amendments就是想逆天而行, 不如離婚都顧下D細吖…. 唔好要佢地跟死老豆老母吖….離婚你都有個好爸/媽吖….Come on…經歷過離婚的小朋友們, 請告訴我, 你們當時的爸媽, 有否放你們在第一位, 不把你們作籌碼? 有的….就唔離婚啦….離婚, 就是談判….談判, 就是everything’s under the table. Nothing is not on the table 的嘛…..

所以我反而欣賞May 姐….當初唔同意都好, 盤野我睇的, 我就賤到尾. The woman you can count on, you can trust, to fight for you as nasty as you can imagine.

放棄吧, 朋友….冇得返轉頭的. 你愈想返轉頭, 對事對人對自己, 只會更糟…..

 

怎樣才是三八

應下節.

其實節日已過. 上次整濕鳩故事時, 做資料搜集真是攞左本Virginia Woolf來看. 可以在這節日向各位男性女性介紹一下:

做八婆唔難. 叫聲男人都是仆街都是人渣亦爽, 但如何文奏奏的用二百頁幾萬字去做一個八婆. 去展現男人都是仆街都是人渣呢, 就是很高的學問. 而這本書就是充分的體現以上.

但本書沒有因此怨念充斥. 相反, 書的最後鼓勵那學校內的女生(此書原打算是一份畢業禮講詞, 即stay greedy, stay predatory嗰D), 在坐的諸位女孩, 儘管社會不公義, 但你們無權怨. 因為你的前人, 已為你打了一片天, 去闖, 去拍渣男推開. fight on, and get your fucking £300 a year. (折算現在大概三皮港元掛….)

三八, 一定有人, 尤其男人, 去嘲笑, 以至攻擊還在嘈甚麼是女權主義的女人各派別. 去嘲笑, 以至攻擊為女性平等做埋D無謂野的人, 如去老麥嘈人點解女仔買開心樂園餐唔可以送車車power rangers, 或叫公廁的女格公仔唔好再著裙.

Trivial eh….?

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/mar/08/feminist-battle-women-activists-campaigns

呢篇文就是講….這些爭論, 以至triviality, 只要不要以暴力終場, 對整個社會的女權運動還是有益的. 嘈下嘈下就有新野了…. 而且, 世界都那麼嘈, 唔爭在多一兩個, 乜你冇headphone咩…? 你唔理咪得咯….

昨晚我向外母講解男女薪資不平等, 還在說香港比較好時, 外母已一句回來:

“香港都是咁架…..你睇下D廚房…"

所以…各地的gals….fight on , and get your fucking £300 a year. And have your own room. To do what you want.

What is POP

今朝看了這個節目一半. 還未看完下半.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/rd/blog/2017-02-secret-science-of-pop

其實上一個故事我最想探討的是, 音樂我其實是怎樣看待的. 而社會又怎樣看待的. 而POP MUSIC以至POP CULTURE我是怎樣看待的. 其他人又怎樣看待的.

這節目沒有令我失望, 亦乎合預期. 一個研究果蠅的King’s College Bio教授. 開宗明義講明自己並不喜歡音樂, 所以最有資格研究音樂. 而他這個project只集中研究他有興趣的hypothesis: 流行音樂是否跟生物一樣, 進化, 汰弱留強.

我相信比我有資格研究音樂. 雖然我都不是太喜歡音樂.

那位BIO教授做了我沒有資源做的事: 1. 請幾個頂尖的PHD及POST DOC, 去把1950年代開始到今日的英美POP MUSIC, 排過上BILLBOARD的全拿出來, 打散它他的數據, 節奏, 聲的強弱, 節拍, 用的調, 等等, 全化成數據, 再用電腦做data mining, 看看能否看到音樂革新的指標, 及演替.

2. 把以上的數據, generate一些當今及過往紅透半邊天的音樂的特性, 再用一班職業音樂人, 嘗試做一隻必紅的流行音樂出來, 看看會否紅.

要返工, 所以長的不談. 他用超級電腦研究得到一個阿媽是女人, 我在故事講過, 而你們死口不認的rules. The pop one is not the best music. The pop one is not the most revolutionized music genre. The pop one is average in every single aspect. The more the characteristics of a song tend to average, the more easily it pops out. In short, the mediocre always wins. Or…the best never tops. The shit one does, always.

做音樂嗰part仲搞笑. 一個好想紅的新人未簽女歌手做了一隻ballad出來. 教授就同監制及混音師講加入必紅元素. 例如隻歌明明深情, 要加重節拍. 有咁r&b得咁r&b, 仲要無里啦更加段rap…on9度混音師都笑. 但我一聽, 就聽得出那就是現在最紅的音樂, from Drake. 他的音樂正正就是咁…慢, 重拍, 無厘頭, 但好撚紅…

結論….我不太喜歡音樂….個個高舉我要音樂革命. 但人人心裡都知. 聽眾不需要革命. 他們需要垃圾…而且是大量…..

shit.